Comments on: BREAK THE SILENCE ~ Don’t Live with the Pain of Abuse http://catwafitz.wordpress.com/2007/11/08/break-the-silence-dont-live-with-the-pain-of-abuse/ More Issues, More Drama, Real Life! Sat, 18 Oct 2008 23:35:30 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: graceofwynn http://catwafitz.wordpress.com/2007/11/08/break-the-silence-dont-live-with-the-pain-of-abuse/#comment-418 graceofwynn Sat, 16 Feb 2008 08:37:14 +0000 http://catwafitz.wordpress.com/2007/11/08/break-the-silence-dont-live-with-the-pain-of-abuse/#comment-418 Another aspect of abuse that needs attention is that the abuser or perpetrator will commit acts of emotional, mental and psychological abuse EVEN AFTER being caught or put in jail. The abuse may continue--even the court system can be used as a tool for abuse. Examples of this may include: stalking/online stalking, destroying the reputation or credibility of the victim, threats/verbal abuse, shaming, coersion and acts of retaliation. When the abuser or perpetrator is able to cause fear, chaos, distraction or blame on another person they gain perceived power and control. And often they get away with their vile acts. Or the victim is accused of doing something wrong and is further abused or intimidated. The message gets sent--by others--"don't talk, no one will believe you". There needs to be more done to protect the victims, and stand up against violence. There has to be a public and widespread outcry that says NO MORE! Further, abusers and perpetrators are very adept at manipulation. They often appear to be likeable, charming and people you would least suspect of commiting the evil acts they do. One trick abusers and perpetrators use is called "mirroring". Mirroring is when someone will mirror--or reflect back to you--what you want to see. The perpetrator or abuser may say "all the right things" or "seem so nice" or project an image entirely contrary to who they are. It's a type of seduction that enables them to get close to victims and to gain control. You can't believe anything these sickos tell you. You have to verify everything with fact--not emotion. Emotion will be used against you, and is indeed often used against the victims. Being informed also helps. Or getting support, and listening to the stories of others, especially survivors. I applaud your post...it is very informative, and brings to light a little spoken of topic. For More Info: Stop It Now: You Can Prevent the Sexual Abuse of Children (Information, Links, What to Do if You Suspect Abuse, etc.) http://www.stopitnow.com/mn/ If you are concerned about your sexualized thoughts or behaviors towards children, call Stop It Now!'s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL Helpline: 1-888-773-8368. Helpline hours are Monday - Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. CST. Calls are answered by understanding people who will listen, discuss your options for getting help, and provide you with referrals to local resources. Web Wise: Profile of an Online Predator (Chat Lingo, The Law, What You Can Do, etc.) http://www.getwebwise.ca/parent_profile_predator.cfm National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children http://sapn.nonprofitoffice.com/index.asp?Type=NONE&SEC=%7BF55732FD-1B34-4410-825B-EC6ACC58D999 Signs of Sexual Abuse in Children http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/your_kids/safety_sexual.shtml "..(Because of) the given tendency for incestuous fathers to deny their abuse, the more normal appearing and less disturbed abusers may be more effective at preventing disclosure." 'CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: TREATMENT, PREVENTION AND DETECTION' by Rod O’Connor, Senior Research Fellow at Monash University in Australia. http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=347329 The pdf file can be downloaded and viewed here: http://chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf Or you can read it in your browser from Google's cache: http://216.239.39.104/search?q=cache:od5iIDN0EywJ:chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf "While some studies reported some fathers with evidence of psychological disturbance, Williams and Finkelhor found that the majority of incestuous fathers are unlikely to manifest severed [sic] psychiatric impairment. Indeed, they felt they could state with confidence that 'there are an important group of incestuous fathers, at least a quarter or a third, who seem virtually completely normal, and who would likely pass psychological testing or psychiatric evaluation without problem.'" That being said, the traits of the abusive personality can be found summarized nicely on The Recovery Web site: =========================================================== - Uncontrolled temper. - Extreme Jealousy. (See Love Addiction.) - Intense fear of abandonment. - A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse, abandonment, ACOA [Adult Children of Alcohlics] issues. - Unrealistic expectations of a relationship. (To "fix" them or solve their problems.) - Isolation and antisocial temperament. - Recklessness. (dangerous sexual behavior, reckless driving, drug use etc.) - Inability to accept responsibility for their behavior and actions, even in the face of dire consequences. - Cruelty to children/animals. - Threats of violence. - Low self-esteem, shame. - Codependent personality disorder and/or Love addiction. - Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries, a compulsion to violate boundaries. - Drug or Alcohol Dependence, self medication. - Emotional volitility - fear of being "out of control". - Need for power and control to compensate for the above. - Bipolar disorder and / or Borderline Personality Disorder. - Abuse generally escalates when the partner leaves. Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma based adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse. =========================================================== http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abuse_rel_types.htm Another aspect of abuse that needs attention is that the abuser or perpetrator will commit acts of emotional, mental and psychological abuse EVEN AFTER being caught or put in jail. The abuse may continue–even the court system can be used as a tool for abuse. Examples of this may include: stalking/online stalking, destroying the reputation or credibility of the victim, threats/verbal abuse, shaming, coersion and acts of retaliation. When the abuser or perpetrator is able to cause fear, chaos, distraction or blame on another person they gain perceived power and control. And often they get away with their vile acts. Or the victim is accused of doing something wrong and is further abused or intimidated. The message gets sent–by others–”don’t talk, no one will believe you”. There needs to be more done to protect the victims, and stand up against violence. There has to be a public and widespread outcry that says NO MORE!

Further, abusers and perpetrators are very adept at manipulation. They often appear to be likeable, charming and people you would least suspect of commiting the evil acts they do. One trick abusers and perpetrators use is called “mirroring”. Mirroring is when someone will mirror–or reflect back to you–what you want to see. The perpetrator or abuser may say “all the right things” or “seem so nice” or project an image entirely contrary to who they are. It’s a type of seduction that enables them to get close to victims and to gain control. You can’t believe anything these sickos tell you. You have to verify everything with fact–not emotion. Emotion will be used against you, and is indeed often used against the victims. Being informed also helps. Or getting support, and listening to the stories of others, especially survivors.

I applaud your post…it is very informative, and brings to light a little spoken of topic.

For More Info:

Stop It Now: You Can Prevent the Sexual Abuse of Children (Information, Links, What to Do if You Suspect Abuse, etc.)
http://www.stopitnow.com/mn/
If you are concerned about your sexualized thoughts or behaviors towards children, call Stop It Now!’s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL Helpline: 1-888-773-8368. Helpline hours are Monday – Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. CST. Calls are answered by understanding people who will listen, discuss your options for getting help, and provide you with referrals to local resources.

Web Wise: Profile of an Online Predator (Chat Lingo, The Law, What You Can Do, etc.)
http://www.getwebwise.ca/parent_profile_predator.cfm

National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children
http://sapn.nonprofitoffice.com/index.asp?Type=NONE&SEC=%7BF55732FD-1B34-4410-825B-EC6ACC58D999

Signs of Sexual Abuse in Children
http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/your_kids/safety_sexual.shtml

“..(Because of) the given tendency for incestuous fathers to deny their abuse, the more normal appearing and less disturbed abusers may be more effective at preventing disclosure.”
‘CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: TREATMENT, PREVENTION AND DETECTION’
by Rod O’Connor, Senior Research Fellow at Monash University
in Australia.
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=347329
The pdf file can be downloaded and viewed here:
http://chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf

Or you can read it in your browser from Google’s cache:
http://216.239.39.104/search?q=cache:od5iIDN0EywJ:chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf

“While some studies reported some fathers with evidence of psychological disturbance, Williams and Finkelhor found that the majority of incestuous fathers are unlikely to manifest severed [sic] psychiatric impairment. Indeed, they felt they could state with confidence that ‘there are an important group of incestuous fathers, at least a quarter or a third, who seem virtually completely normal, and who would likely pass psychological testing or psychiatric evaluation without problem.’”

That being said, the traits of the abusive personality can
be found summarized nicely on The Recovery Web site:
===========================================================
- Uncontrolled temper.
- Extreme Jealousy. (See Love Addiction.)
- Intense fear of abandonment.
- A background involving physical, emotional or sexual
abuse, abandonment, ACOA [Adult Children of Alcohlics]
issues.
- Unrealistic expectations of a relationship. (To “fix”
them or solve their problems.)
- Isolation and antisocial temperament.
- Recklessness. (dangerous sexual behavior, reckless
driving, drug use etc.)
- Inability to accept responsibility for their behavior
and actions, even in the face of dire consequences.
- Cruelty to children/animals.
- Threats of violence.
- Low self-esteem, shame.
- Codependent personality disorder and/or Love addiction.
- Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries, a
compulsion to violate boundaries.
- Drug or Alcohol Dependence, self medication.
- Emotional volitility – fear of being “out of control”.
- Need for power and control to compensate for the above.
- Bipolar disorder and / or Borderline Personality Disorder.
- Abuse generally escalates when the partner leaves.
Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma based
adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
===========================================================
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abuse_rel_types.htm

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