It is absolutely disturbing to know that ABUSE (of any kind, at any age and any gender), is happening so frequently, at a rate that is more astounding than we can possibly imagine. When we hear about sexual assaults, we immediately think of men raping women; however, that is not always the case. Apparently, women raping women is not as uncommon as one would think; it’s just not reported as often ~ particularly ones that involve young girls. Young girls are having their innocence stolen at a very young age by grown women who prey on them, and unfortunately, not a word is spoken about it because the girls are too embarassed, fearful, ashamed and feel at fault that they brought this on themselves, to such an extent, that they stay silent about the harm that has been done to them. As Oprah states, ”as often is the case, child abuse, sexual abuse happens right within the family, right within the confines of people you know.” Children are usullay threatened that there will be severe consequences if they tell, which is a HUGE reason why they stay silent about the assault.
By now, most of you have heard the “breaking news” about the incident at The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls, that was opened up outside Johannesburg on Jan. 2, 2007 with celebrities such as Tina Turner and Spike Lee in attendance, as well as former President Nelson Mandela.
“Tiny Virginia Makopo, 27, faces 13 charges of indecent assault, assault and criminal injury committed against at least six students aged 13-15 and a 23-year-old at the school. Makopo, who said she was innocent, was freed on bail Monday.”
Oprah has already received so much criticism since they day she spoke about her dream of opening up such a lavish academy. People have complained that she opened up the academy to African children, as oppose to American children. Parents have complained that the rules were so strict and somewhat similar to prison, etc. This incident will only give those same pessimistic people more ammunition to talk negatively about her and the academy, which is not at all what she needs right now. She needs support from those of us who believe in her and know that her intentions for opening up this academy in the first place, was to assist as many disadvantaged girls as she possibly could, who come from deprived backgrounds, to give them a quality education in a country where schools are struggling to overcome the legacy of apartheid.
The incident at Oprah’s academy is far from being an isolated one. Sexual assaults by women are getting progrssively worse and these child predators tend to get away with it because people have difficulty believing that women assaulting women or young girls can be as traumatic as men assaulting women or young girls. Law enforcement officials and even Judges, are guilty of this as well and until we start to take these matters seriously and know that we have a responsibility to these innocent children and that we’re wasting precious time making a mockery out of real life situations, they will continue to get away with it and our children, who desperately need our help, will stay silent about it.
“She Stole My Voice ~ A Documetary about Lesbian Rape” is a really good eye opener for those who aren’t familiar with these type of assaults, and/or to hear testimonies from many women who experienced it. It is definitely a must read for everyone! Raising awareness and educating ourselves on these sort of topics will help us break the silence.
February 16, 2008 at 8:37 am
Another aspect of abuse that needs attention is that the abuser or perpetrator will commit acts of emotional, mental and psychological abuse EVEN AFTER being caught or put in jail. The abuse may continue–even the court system can be used as a tool for abuse. Examples of this may include: stalking/online stalking, destroying the reputation or credibility of the victim, threats/verbal abuse, shaming, coersion and acts of retaliation. When the abuser or perpetrator is able to cause fear, chaos, distraction or blame on another person they gain perceived power and control. And often they get away with their vile acts. Or the victim is accused of doing something wrong and is further abused or intimidated. The message gets sent–by others–”don’t talk, no one will believe you”. There needs to be more done to protect the victims, and stand up against violence. There has to be a public and widespread outcry that says NO MORE!
Further, abusers and perpetrators are very adept at manipulation. They often appear to be likeable, charming and people you would least suspect of commiting the evil acts they do. One trick abusers and perpetrators use is called “mirroring”. Mirroring is when someone will mirror–or reflect back to you–what you want to see. The perpetrator or abuser may say “all the right things” or “seem so nice” or project an image entirely contrary to who they are. It’s a type of seduction that enables them to get close to victims and to gain control. You can’t believe anything these sickos tell you. You have to verify everything with fact–not emotion. Emotion will be used against you, and is indeed often used against the victims. Being informed also helps. Or getting support, and listening to the stories of others, especially survivors.
I applaud your post…it is very informative, and brings to light a little spoken of topic.
For More Info:
Stop It Now: You Can Prevent the Sexual Abuse of Children (Information, Links, What to Do if You Suspect Abuse, etc.)
http://www.stopitnow.com/mn/
If you are concerned about your sexualized thoughts or behaviors towards children, call Stop It Now!’s SAFE AND CONFIDENTIAL Helpline: 1-888-773-8368. Helpline hours are Monday – Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. CST. Calls are answered by understanding people who will listen, discuss your options for getting help, and provide you with referrals to local resources.
Web Wise: Profile of an Online Predator (Chat Lingo, The Law, What You Can Do, etc.)
http://www.getwebwise.ca/parent_profile_predator.cfm
National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children
http://sapn.nonprofitoffice.com/index.asp?Type=NONE&SEC=%7BF55732FD-1B34-4410-825B-EC6ACC58D999
Signs of Sexual Abuse in Children
http://www.bbc.co.uk/parenting/your_kids/safety_sexual.shtml
“..(Because of) the given tendency for incestuous fathers to deny their abuse, the more normal appearing and less disturbed abusers may be more effective at preventing disclosure.”
‘CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE: TREATMENT, PREVENTION AND DETECTION’
by Rod O’Connor, Senior Research Fellow at Monash University
in Australia.
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=347329
The pdf file can be downloaded and viewed here:
http://chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf
Or you can read it in your browser from Google’s cache:
http://216.239.39.104/search?q=cache:od5iIDN0EywJ:chpe.buseco.monash.edu.au/pubs/wp16.pdf
“While some studies reported some fathers with evidence of psychological disturbance, Williams and Finkelhor found that the majority of incestuous fathers are unlikely to manifest severed [sic] psychiatric impairment. Indeed, they felt they could state with confidence that ‘there are an important group of incestuous fathers, at least a quarter or a third, who seem virtually completely normal, and who would likely pass psychological testing or psychiatric evaluation without problem.’”
That being said, the traits of the abusive personality can
be found summarized nicely on The Recovery Web site:
===========================================================
- Uncontrolled temper.
- Extreme Jealousy. (See Love Addiction.)
- Intense fear of abandonment.
- A background involving physical, emotional or sexual
abuse, abandonment, ACOA [Adult Children of Alcohlics]
issues.
- Unrealistic expectations of a relationship. (To “fix”
them or solve their problems.)
- Isolation and antisocial temperament.
- Recklessness. (dangerous sexual behavior, reckless
driving, drug use etc.)
- Inability to accept responsibility for their behavior
and actions, even in the face of dire consequences.
- Cruelty to children/animals.
- Threats of violence.
- Low self-esteem, shame.
- Codependent personality disorder and/or Love addiction.
- Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries, a
compulsion to violate boundaries.
- Drug or Alcohol Dependence, self medication.
- Emotional volitility – fear of being “out of control”.
- Need for power and control to compensate for the above.
- Bipolar disorder and / or Borderline Personality Disorder.
- Abuse generally escalates when the partner leaves.
Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma based
adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse.
===========================================================
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abuse_rel_types.htm